Monday, December 16, 2013

The Stable? Really?

Saturday Benny and I woke up to a knock on the door.  "Your horses are out".  Well, of course, they are.  It's raining and cold and I had plans to drink coffee and read by the fire all morning.  New plan.  I pulled on Benny's number 12 Mucks because I know it's muddy and all I have is my kicks by the back door.  I haven't purchased my own rubber boots yet.  Not sure what I am waiting on.  I do live on a farm now!

I get a bucket of horse feed and start banging it against the fence.  I see Boo Jack and Sally across the road in our neighbor's field.  They both turn and look at me like "what are you doing out here in this weather?"  Sometimes I swear  the way they cock their heads and stare at me causes me to recall a particular one of daddy's looks.

Benny is making his way to the top of the hill to coax them back to the barn.  They seem pretty eager to get back home and into their spot.  I stood there in the mucky manure and dirt looking around.  I walked into the stable where it was dry, but still messy, stepping in manure and being aware of the smell.  I couldn't help but think of Mary and how she must have felt knowing she was about to give birth in a setting similar to this. Growing up in all of the church plays we did, a manger scene was made to look old and shabby with hay sprinkled about.  But boy was that probably an inaccurate replica.

Why would God bring his Son to the world in this setting?  I remember being taught something about "lowly"...  But it hit me.   The stable represents the world.  God put his precious Son (my Savior) in this mucky, smelly, sin infested place and what better representation than that of a stable.

Follow up -  1/17/2014

I woke up to this surprise.  A beautiful philly conceived in February.  My daddy had hoped Boo Jack would like Sally for a girlfriend.  Hmm!  He was right.  I hope he can see her from Heaven.  She is beautiful.



                                      And now I have her eating out of my hands


Monday, November 25, 2013

Light Bulb Experience

My new endeavor.  I'm not sure what the rules are for blogging.  This is just my thoughts, reflections, ideas, experiences and a creation of a map of the journey.  Hopefully it will serve more of a purpose for my brain health than Sudoku.  And, hopefully it won't bring men with nets and white coats to my door!

Well here goes.
I buried by daddy on July 2nd.  One day before my birthday.  He was 78.  Way too young and way to early too leave me here on this earth without him.  Grief unimaginable!

I wrote these words that day:

             " When I had my children I had a new understanding of how deep my   parents loved me. Losing my daddy gives me a new understanding of how deep my love is for him.

             When I had children, my love for them felt like my heart was living outside my body. Losing my daddy feels like my heart has been ripped from my body."

That heart wrenching pain stayed with me from that early morning the greatest man I ever knew took his last breath until just a few days ago.  You know, a defining moment when you "get it"; things you've pondered finally make sense or things you've never given much thought, become paramount.  I call it light bulb moments.

Well, thanks to the grace of God and the sweet Holy Spirit He sent to me; my daddy's words that I can still hear and his actions that are so burned into my being, a much needed "ah ha" (heart light bulb) flooded  from within me. "The Lord is MY Shepherd!   The Good Shepherd."!
The Good Shepherd Statue
The disparaging grief is instantly gone.  Still sad, but not grief stricken.  My new normal.

           
  To be continued...(for the rest of my life)

Johnny Lewis Williamson 4/19/1935 - 6/30/2013